Questioning your sexuality can feel emotional and isolating, especially if you weren’t given language, examples, or permission to explore your identity growing up. If you’ve ever Googled “am I a lesbian?”, felt disconnected from straight dating, or wondered whether your attraction to women is “real” or “just admiration,” you’re not alone! (Also, you’re not late, broken, or doing this wrong.)
This page includes a free infographic and a downloadable PDF with 15 thoughtfully designed journal prompts to help you explore your sexuality with curiosity rather than pressure. These prompts are grounded in real experiences many lesbians and late bloomers share, including the impact of compulsory heterosexuality (aka comphet). Comphet is the social conditioning that teaches women to prioritize men regardless of attraction.
Why Journaling Helps When You’re Questioning Your Sexuality
Many women grow up learning how to perform straightness before they ever learn how attraction actually feels in their body. Journaling slows things down and helps create space to notice patterns, emotions, and physical responses you may have learned to ignore. Instead of forcing a label, these prompts help you ask better questions about desire, safety, attraction, and identity on your own timeline. This is not a test. There are no black-and-white answers. And I cannot stress this enough: you don’t owe anyone clarity before you’re ready.
15 Journal Prompts for Questioning Your Sexuality (Full Text Version)
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When was the first time a woman made you pause, feel nervous, or notice your body in a new way? Describe the moment without minimizing it.
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What messages were you taught about what you were “supposed” to want romantically? Who taught you that (and did it ever feel true)?
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Have you ever confused relief, safety, or approval from a man with attraction? What did that feel like in your body?
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In 30 seconds, write everything you genuinely love about women. (Don’t overthink it.)
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If no one was watching or judging, who would you feel free to love?
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How does your body respond differently around women compared to men?
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Who was your “this feels different, but I can’t explain why” girl? What stood out about her?
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Write your coming-out story so far, even if it’s unfinished or only for you.
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Write how old you were when you first questioned your sexuality using your non-dominant hand/feet. (Yes, really. Life is chaos.)
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What has heterosexuality felt like for you: desire, obligation, safety, performance, or something else?
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When you imagine your future (weekends, holidays, aging), who is beside you?
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What does attraction feel like in your body when it’s real? Focus on sensation, not logic.
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Is there a woman you’ve framed as “admiration” who might actually have been attraction?
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What stereotypes about lesbians have made it harder for you to claim the word for yourself?
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Write a letter to your younger self who was trying to be straight. What do you want her to know now?
Read The LesBian Agenda Blog
Understanding Compulsory Heterosexuality (Comphet)
Many women questioning their sexuality aren’t confused because they lack self-awareness. It’s confusing because society trains women to prioritize men emotionally, romantically, and socially from a young age. Compulsory heterosexuality can make lesbian attraction feel invisible, delayed, or confusing, especially for late bloomers, women who dated men, married, or had children before realizing they’re gay.
If you’ve ever thought:
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“I liked men, but something always felt missing.”
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“Women feel different, but I don’t know why.”
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“Maybe I just haven’t met the right man.”
…these prompts are designed with that reality in mind.
Related Reading: “Am I a Lesbian?” Resources
If this page resonated, you may also find these helpful:
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Do I Like Him, or Do I Just Feel Safe? Understanding Trauma Attraction vs Preference
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What If I’m a Late Bloomer? Navigating Lesbian Identity in Your 30s–40s
You’re allowed to take your time, change your mind. And you’re allowed to enjoy the process.