Lesbian Attraction vs Admiration: How Late Bloomers Can Tell the Difference

Brittany Glasscock
1 day ago
3 min read

One of the most common things women say when they’re questioning their sexuality is: “I don’t know if I’m attracted to women, or if I just admire them.” If you’ve thought this, you’re not behind. You’re not clueless. And you’re definitely not alone.

In fact, this confusion is one of the main reasons people search “am I a lesbian?” in the first place.

Let’s break down why this distinction feels so hard, and how to explore it without forcing a label.

Why Attraction to Women Is So Often Labeled “Admiration”

Many women are raised in environments where:

Desire for men is assumed and normalized
Desire for women is minimized, joked about, or erased
Strong feelings toward women are reframed as friendship, envy, or inspiration

So when a woman feels pulled toward another woman (emotionally, aesthetically, or energetically) her brain often reaches for the closest socially acceptable explanation. That explanation is usually admiration. Not because it’s accurate, it’s safer.

What Admiration Usually Feels Like

Admiration tends to be:

External (“I like her style / confidence / talent”)
Contained (“I want to be more like her”)
Non-disruptive (it doesn’t derail your focus or sense of self)
Easy to compartmentalize

Admiration doesn’t usually linger in the body. It doesn’t create nervous energy, heightened awareness, or longing. You can admire someone and move on without much internal friction.

What Lesbian Attraction Often Feels Like (Especially Under Comphet)

Attraction to women, especially when you’ve been conditioned to ignore it, often shows up subtly at first.

Common experiences include:

Thinking about her more than you expect
Feeling unusually self-conscious around her
Wanting her attention or approval in a way that feels charged
Feeling energized, grounded, or hyper-aware in her presence
Dismissing the feeling as “intense friendship” or “girl crush”

Attraction doesn’t always announce itself as sexual right away. For many women, it starts as an emotional or energetic pull, and only becomes recognizable later.

Why Compulsory Heterosexuality Blurs the Line

Compulsory heterosexuality (comphet) trains women to:

Rationalize attraction to men
Over-intellectualize attraction to women
Seek external validation instead of internal cues

Under comphet, women often learn:

That attraction is something you decide
That desire grows with effort
That comfort equals chemistry

So when attraction to women feels spontaneous, disruptive, or non-linear, it doesn’t match the script and gets mislabeled.

Questions That Help Clarify the Difference

Instead of asking “Is this attraction or admiration?” try asking:

Does this feeling live in my body or just my thoughts?
Do I feel pulled toward her, or inspired by her?
Would I be disappointed if she didn’t notice me?
Do I imagine closeness, intimacy, or shared space with her?
Does this feeling feel alive, grounding, or electric?

You don’t need all the answers at once. Patterns matter more than moments.

Why This Confusion Leads People to Journal Prompts

When attraction and admiration feel tangled, thinking harder rarely helps. That’s why so many questioning women turn to journal prompts not to “figure it out” immediately, but to notice recurring signals over time.

Journaling helps you:

Track who consistently draws your attention
Notice how your body responds in different dynamics
Separate desire from expectation
Revisit memories with new language

It’s not about proving anything, it’s about letting information surface.

You Don’t Need Certainty to Be Valid

Here’s the part no one says enough: You are allowed to question without conclusions. It’s normal to take your time. You can sit in the “I’m not sure yet.” Whether what you’re feeling is attraction, admiration, or something evolving, your curiosity is worth honoring.