How to Know If You’re a Lesbian: Signs You Might Be Sapphic

Brittany Glasscock
4 days ago
4 min read

So you’re sitting there googling “How to know if you’re a lesbian” or “am I a lesbian quiz,” trying to pretend this is casual research and not you staring your entire identity dead in the face. You’re not alone. Every late bloomer, every confused queer kid, every grown woman who suddenly can’t stop thinking about that one friend from 2014 has been exactly where you are.

And before you panic: questioning your sexuality doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It usually means something is finally going right.

Let’s talk signs. Real ones. Not the nonsense you hear from people who couldn’t spell sapphic if you spotted them the S-A-P.

1. You’ve Never Actually Wanted Men, You’ve Wanted Their Approval

A lot of us were raised in straight worlds where “liking boys” wasn’t optional, it was expected. So we perform. We crush on the safe guy. We pick “the least bad option.” We date men because we’re supposed to. But the feelings? The spark? The “oh god I hope he touches me” moment?

Usually missing.

If your entire experience with men feels like performing femininity on expert mode just to fit in, that’s a sign.

2. The Way You Look at Women Is… Specific

Straight women think other women are pretty. Lesbians look at women like they’re trying not to accidentally bite their lip. There is a difference.

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking:

“I want to be her… but also date her… but also stare at her arms forever?”
“Why is she making eye contact like that? Oh god is she flirting? Am I flirting? Am I dying?”
“I swear I’m straight but I’d kiss her.”

Congratulations. You might be sapphic.

3. You’ve Built Entire Relationships in Your Head with Women

You know exactly what I mean. The fantasy girlfriend pipeline is real. One kind smile from a barista and suddenly you’re imagining joint Costco trips and matching hoodies. You call it “overthinking.” It’s attraction.

4. Men Feel Like Homework — Women Feel Like Gravity

If dating men feels like dragging a mattress up three flights of stairs, and thinking about women feels like you can finally exhale?

That’s a sign.

Also if being with men feels like acting and being with women feels like you? That’s not subtle.

5. Jealousy Hits Different With Women

Listen, when you’re “straight,” your jealousy toward a girl shouldn’t feel like heartbreak. If you were devastated when your “best friend” got a boyfriend, or if you felt weirdly territorial about one specific woman, that’s not “friendship.” That’s not “platonic attachment.” That’s gay.

6. You Keep Asking the Internet If You’re a Lesbian

I say this with love: straight women don’t spend their free time panic-Googling “signs you might be a lesbian.” They don’t take the “am I a lesbian quiz” for fun. They don’t stalk WLW TikTok or wonder why the lesbian pride flag gives them butterflies.

If you’re consuming a suspicious amount of sapphic content? Your brain is trying to tell you something.

7. Compulsory Heterosexuality Has Been Running Your Life

Maybe you’ve told yourself one of these classics:

“He’s perfect on paper. Why don’t I want him?”
“Maybe I just have a low sex drive.”
“I’ll settle down with a man eventually. That’s what women do.”
“I love women, but that doesn’t mean I’m gay.”

If these lines feel like your internal monologue? You might not be uninterested in dating… you might just be uninterested in men.

8. Your “Straight” Crushes Make No Sense

If your entire romantic history is:

emotionally unavailable men
fictional men
men who never liked you back
men you liked until they liked you
the safest possible option

…that’s not straight behavior. That’s “my sexuality is trying to protect me from men because it’s actually pointing toward women” behavior.

9. Women Make You Nervous In a Good Way

Butterflies. Sweaty palms. Trying too hard not to stare. Overthinking every text. If women make you nervous because you care? That’s attraction, babe.

So… Are You a Lesbian?

Here’s the truth: sexuality is personal, nuanced, and sometimes messy. You don’t need to fit every sign to be sapphic. You don’t need a certification or a sexuality degree. What matters is this:

If you want women emotionally, romantically, sexually, spiritually, that matters. That counts. That’s valid.

You deserve a life where you don’t feel trapped, confused, or “broken” for not wanting men. You deserve a life where your desire actually aligns with your heart.

And if you’re still unsure? Still spiraling? Still trying to untangle comp-het from actual attraction?

I’ve got you.