Lesbian Erasure, Inclusion Myths, and the Cost of Centering Everyone but Lesbians

Picture it. A random TikTok video I made purely to appease the algorithm and stay visible on the FYP. Not actually trying to start a thought riot, just a throwaway comment that turned into a thesis.

The spark that kickstarted this started with a real-world social commentary and an offhand thought experiment that the internet absolutely stepped up to prove. I was talking about the sheer audacity of a group of white people attempting to build an “all-white town” in the United States. But the part that had me pacing? They had to pay. For press. Coverage. (You read that correctly.) We, as a nation, collectively chuckled, shook our heads, and said, “Typical White behavior, those rascally crackers!” Then looked the other way (Systemic racism has entered the chat.).

No. One. Cared… on a national level.  I REPEAT: A group of white supremacists openly organizing segregation had to buy attention because the system is so accustomed to protecting whiteness that it barely registered as news. White people, we’ve reached PEAK privilege here. Systemic racism passed its latest inspection because the system is working perfectly.

I ended the video with an offhand comment/thought experiment: “Can you imagine if lesbians tried to build a lesbian-only town? No way in hell.” I didn’t realize that sentence would detonate a cultural landmine. 

A Thought Experiment That Exposed a System

Almost immediately, a bisexual woman commented, “An all-lesbian town sounds amazing. I’m bi but tired of men.” I felt metaphorically slapped. Let’s be clear here: bisexuality is a valid sexual orientation (Name a better flirtatious nerd than bisexual folks, I’ll wait.), but the assumption stung. I talked about a lesbian-only space, and a non-lesbian placed herself inside it. At first, I wondered whether I wasn’t clear enough, but I realized the commenter had captured the issue perfectly. 

Bisexuality is a valid sexual orientation, but the expectation of default inclusion made me put on my scientist hat and test my theory. I created a follow-up video explaining that lesbian and bisexual are not the same sexual orientation. I explained that they’re related, but our attraction patterns, lived experiences, and social consequences are not the same. Yet lesbian spaces are so routinely treated as default overflow that many people don’t even pause before assuming access. Naturally, the video blew up.

Why Did “Lesbian-Only” Get a “Bigotry” Rebrand?

I was shocked reading my comments. Highlights of what I was called:

• a bigot

• a TERF

• exclusionary

• dangerous

Why? Because people assumed trans lesbians wouldn’t be welcome.

Let me be very clear: Trans lesbians are lesbians, and welcome in any lesbian community they want. Anyone who thinks otherwise, where are you? I just wanna talk! I didn’t care about the heat, I was shattered when I saw trans lesbians in my comments asking if they would be welcome in a space where they have full rights to. 

I broke down when I realized other lesbians (likely cis White lesbians) have destroyed trans lesbians’ confidence in their right to inclusion in lesbian spaces, and I’m heartbroken every time I think about it. I started sobbing when I got the reality check that what I believe is nice and all, but Marsha P. Johnson is ROLLING IN HER FREAKING GRAVE over this lesbian erasure. Trans lesbians have been erased so much that they literally can’t IMAGINE having their rightful space honored. We wouldn’t have half of the freedoms and culture that we do without trans lesbians.

We’ve built a culture where lesbians are so afraid of being labeled exclusionary that even trans lesbians hesitate to claim their place in lesbian spaces. That hesitation didn’t come from me. Have you heard of the bane of our existence, the patriarchy? The system that protects its mediocrity by confusing, dividing, and redirecting any righteous anger inward, and guiding meltdowns?

Patriarchy Thrives on Conflation

One of the most persistent derailments I encountered was comments such as: “Women-only spaces already exist.” Umm? Women-only spaces are not the same as lesbian-only spaces.

Conflating the two:

• collapses sexual orientation into gender

• erases lesbian specificity

• reinforces the idea that lesbians are just “women without men” 🤢

The patriarchy is working like a well-oiled machine here. Real talk: lesbians are not defined by men. We’re defined by exclusive attraction to women, across gender identities. Trans, cis, nonbinary, intersex lesbians all belong in lesbian spaces. Remember: Gender identity ≠ sexual orientation. That distinction should not be controversial, y’all.

Systemic Racism Was Conducting the Replies the Whole Time

Here’s the part people didn’t want to sit with: I called out a racist town. Instead of sustained outrage at white supremacy, the focus shifted to me, the imaginative dyke with a dream, to let me know whether or not my hypothetical was ethical. 

The findings are clear as day: this is how racism survives. The people jumped right into action with the system’s favorite fuel: deflect the racism, redirect the outrage. Turn the mirror away from power and toward marginalized people daring to imagine autonomy. Racism loves a turned cheek, and the patriarchy loves a redirected argument.

Society’s Reply Script: “Why Not Just Be More Inclusive?” by Systemic Racism & the Patriarchy

This was the most common refrain. The short answer is that lesbians are expected to be endlessly accommodating. The assumption of default inclusion can look like:

• No bisexual spaces? Lesbians will take you in.

• Gay bars get straight-washed? Lesbians will absorb the fallout.

• WLW events overrun? Lesbians should “share.”

And yet, when lesbians ask for specificity, we’re accused of division, even being accused of (and I shit you not here) “segregation” in videos where I talk about actual segregation happening in real life. At some point, it’s not inclusion. The lesbian obligation of inclusion is how we are erased.

The Lesbian Bar Problem Proves the Point

People insisted a lesbian-only town could never work. Meanwhile, there are only 32 lesbian bars left in the entire United States. That number doesn’t exist because lesbians can’t sustain a community. It exists because lesbian spaces are constantly diluted, deprioritized, and absorbed. If lesbian bars can exist (and they do), then lesbian-only spaces are clearly possible. What’s not tolerated is lesbians centering ourselves without apology.

Sexual Orientation Is Dimensional, Not Binary

This thought experiment worked because it exposed something more profound: We still treat sexual orientation like a simple binary, when in reality it’s a matrix shaped by attraction patterns and lived experience.

• Bisexual and pansexual people experience attraction fluidly across genders.

• Lesbians experience exclusive attraction to women.

Neither is superior or invalid. However, pretending Sapphic orientations are interchangeable erases all of us. Difference is not harm, it’s an opportunity.

Why This Hit My Lesbian Erasure Nerve So Hard

The most painful realization wasn’t the backlash. It was that trans lesbians doubted (even for a second) that they belong in lesbian spaces. That tells you everything you need to know about how broken this system is.

• A system where lesbians must prove moral purity to deserve space.

• A system where naming boundaries is treated as violence.

• A system where whiteness can segregate quietly, but lesbians can’t even imagine.

That system needs to go.

Where I Stand on Lesbian Erasure

I will always fight for the entire LGBTQ+ community, and I’m a lesbian. That means I will center and protect lesbian spaces with zero apology. If you are a lesbian (cis, trans, nonbinary, or intersex), you belong in lesbian spaces. Period. I will use my voice, my privilege, and my platform to lift this community, because our future depends on clarity, not dilution.

Lesbians deserve specificity, space, and the ability to imagine freely. I stand 10 toes down on that. On a related note, if you’re into journaling, I highly recommend you check out my free 15 Questions You Can Ask if You’re Questioning Your Sexuality infographic to learn a little more about yourself >>